Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I see through liars

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I know who the president of Turkey really is

I can count

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Shouldn’t there be a short porn platform like TikTok?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Why do I feel so down and not happy anymore? I also feel really tired and non-motivated. Is that normal for someone to feel that way?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

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I don’t cotton to rapists

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I can read

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It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

If you cloned 12 Michael Jordan's and 12 LeBron James' and had Team Jordan vs. James, which team would win the most games?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand how hurricane paths work

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

How should Syrian President Bashar al-Assad be held accountable for the human rights violations and atrocities committed by his regime?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have a reading level above third grade

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

Is it ok if I wear a bonnet as a person with straight hair? I used to have curly hair, but later on in life I got it treated, I’m not black, but my hair keeps getting frizzy every morning so I am considering it. Is it cultural appropriation?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I actually pay taxes

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Why do people keep denying the similarities between Latin and Italian by saying they are totally different languages when it’s obvious they sound similar?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t buy bullshit

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

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I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

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I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says: